Difficult Behaviors - Reframing the Negative and Challenging

Articles

Apr 1

Most parents, caregivers, teachers, babysitters, and guardians of children understand that there are typically difficult behaviors that can become a challenge to manage. The most common are things like having a meltdown, screaming, and crying to get something they want or need. Others might be hitting other kids, fighting or bothering their siblings, or pouting. Observable behaviors are often the outward symptoms of underlying difficulties (i.e. sensory processing challenges, quality or quantity of sleep, motor or movement functioning, trauma). You can learn more about how to recognize the difference with a visual aid for the Developmental Iceberg in our past article about identifying tantrums versus sensory overload. Luckily, these challenging behaviors are responses that can change with something called reframing. Education is an important part of assisting children in your life with difficult behavior and making it easier on yourself in the process as well.

Difficult Behaviors are Expected and Will Happen

Children are born into an overwhelming world. Parents work long hours, have multiple jobs, and have an overabundance of responsibilities and tasks that need to be completed each day. Introduce a defiant toddler, child, or teen to this mix and brace for a tidal wave of challenges heading your way. Our children begin the uphill battle that is life around 3 or 4 years old when introduced to pre-K, from their experience with the education system, their peers and influences, and changes within their bodies, this first big schedule change can be disrupting and uncover behavioral issues previously unseen. Parents and teachers may experience typical behaviors, such as fussiness or stubbornness, but in some cases, behaviors escalate and become more extreme - impacting the environment the child is immersed in negatively.

More challenging behaviors include defiance, extreme fussiness, hurting others by biting or kicking, and excessive anger or tantrums if the child doesn’t get their way. If these behaviors are not addressed at an early age, they can evolve into more problematic behaviors as the child grows. This could result in disruptive behaviors such as aggression, gossiping, ignoring orders, outright refusal to speak, or outbursts such as yelling or screaming.

It is estimated that roughly 22% of children in the United States between ages 3 and 17 have a mental, emotional, or behavioral disorder. The most common behavioral disorders are conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and behavioral addiction. Occupational therapy can help individuals confront their behaviors and impulses by identifying a person’s emotional, social, and physical needs.

Difficult things always happen, bumps in the road - how to better deal with them immediately in a positive way, reframing, empowering, giving options.

Reframing a child’s behavior allows you to take the negative and replace it with something positive. It gives you another option for dealing with something difficult, and over time, it can help children understand their own behavior and how to better respond in the future. Bumps in the road always will happen but it is better to be prepared for the situation before it happens.

Before you start to work on reframing your children’s difficult behaviors, you’ll need to think about your choice of words for yourself and your children. If you refer to your child as wild or uncontrollable, you can begin to see and describe your child as free-spirited. Instead of approaching the behavior as intentional at the start, move from an attitude of “they won’t” to “they can’t.”

Image via: Focus on Function LLC on Facebook

How Do You Reframe Difficult Behaviors?

The simple way to look at reframing difficult behaviors is to turn a negative into a positive. A stubborn child who refuses to do something or to do what they are asked can be approached with the question of why they are feeling that way. Typically something is at play, whether they feel they do not have the skills needed to carry out the task or they are influenced by too many stressors at the time.

When you can help a child by removing barriers or stressors from a situation and allowing them to feel supported and able, they will be strengthened and grow confidence. By reframing situations to look at the potential cause surrounding the behavior you can start communicating about how to solve the problem - working to eliminate the issue in the future. Children typically want to do good, do the right thing, and do what makes their caretakers happy. If you can help them feel supported in those moments they are not yet equipped to handle, they will learn so much in terms of a positive outlook.

When reframing certain behaviors with your choice of words, reinforces the positive behavior in your child. If you were often described with negative traits, you feel negative about yourself. Children are the same - the traits you ascribe to them in conversation and communication can create a positive self-image for them or a negative one. Reframing their perspective will help them have a better understanding of themselves.

How to Prepare for Difficult Behavior Situations

Usually, we have certain situations that tend to provoke less-than-desirable behaviors in children, and we are acutely aware of them. While they are sometimes a surprise, it can be very helpful to run through different situations to decide on your method for handling things.

Be Mindful

You can be mindful of your actions, choice of words, and reactions to different situations. If your child has meltdowns in unfamiliar surroundings - this is something you can be mindful of for the future. It is helpful to describe different things they might see, or walk through things yourself beforehand so you can better help them feel supported and prepared themselves.

Keep Your Calm

No matter what the situation (or how loud) it is always important to maintain calm within yourself. In the same way that violent behavior should not be met with more violent behavior, one temper tantrum shouldn’t be met with another. Instead, if you can stay calm and focused on rationally looking for how you can help the situation, the better the outcome.

Gain Some Perspective

Sometimes parents will think that their children are having their meltdown on purpose for one reason or another - to get attention, to get what they want, etc. If you can take a step back and look at these situations from a different perspective, you find that punishment for “bad behavior” is not something that helps a child who needs support. The way out of the challenging behavior is finding and removing the problems which are causing them!

Banish Your Own Negative Thoughts

It is not easy to stay positive in already difficult situations if you have negativity in your mind. Work on getting through your own negative thoughts and maybe reframing them for yourself in the process.

Expect Difficult Behavior

If you know that you might encounter some challenging behavior one day, it can make it easier to prepare and feel ready to handle it appropriately. As long as you are mindful and understanding of the process of learning, you can expect something at any time, and feel confident in your ability to manage it effectively.

The Anger Volcano Exercise:

Materials You’ll Need:

Play Dough & flat surface
Toys to represent people, buildings, activities
Paper & pencils
Access to YouTube videos or the Internet

How to Implement:

Create a volcano with play dough.
Say, “This volcano is like you.”
Allow them to make the volcano larger or smaller based on how they see themselves.
Discuss how volcanoes can lay dormant for long periods of time.
Define dormant as “sleeping, calm, cool.”
Discuss how people live around dormant volcanoes because they feel safe.
Place toys around the volcano based on the proximity the child feels to the objects (usually parents and friends are closer, while school and grocery stores are further away from the base.)
Discuss how volcanoes can erupt suddenly, like them.
Use play dough to represent the ash cloud and lava.
Allow the child to play out the eruption on the objects around the base of the volcano.
Identify who is hurt most by the eruption, but that everyone is ultimately affected by the ash and lava.
Help the child identify cues that would be helpful in safely escaping harm from the volcano (i.e. rumbling, heat, shaking, etc.)
Help them to identify their own cues for when they begin to feel like they are going to erupt.
Re-erect the original volcano and role-play the opportunity for people and places to avoid harm from the eruption.
Discuss how it takes longer for people to recover from the eruption if they aren’t prepared and don’t know where to go.
Allow the child to write down their physical cues for an eruption to share with people around them.

Goals:

To create self-awareness

To create empathy for the effects of their behaviors

To access more emotive sites in the brain while processing (play dough)

To redirect logically and identify problem-prevention opportunities

To increase communication with their environment in order to prevent the negative impact of meltdown.

How Occupational Therapy Can Help Combative Behaviors

According to Nationwide Children's Hospital, “Conduct disorder refers to a group of behavioral and emotional problems characterized by a disregard for others. Children with conduct disorder have a difficult time following rules and behaving in a socially acceptable way. Their behavior can be hostile and sometimes physically violent.” Conduct disorder can be found in all cultures and socioeconomic groups and is often diagnosed along with other mental health issues. Signs include:

Physical aggression (being cruel to animals or others)
Violating others’ rights (theft or vandalism)
Lying or manipulation
Delinquent behaviors (running away from home, ditching school)

These signs can become more troublesome as individuals grow into their teenage years, displaying more disruptive behaviors such as bullying, breaking curfew, trespassing, cheating, and stealing. Occupational therapy addresses difficult situations that could cause an individual to lash out inappropriately and teach them problem-solving techniques. Supplemental treatment such as family or group therapy could provide additional support for an individual with conduct disorder.

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is characterized by anger, irritability, and defiance toward parents or authority figures. It also includes spitefulness or vindictiveness. ODD can be genetic or evolve from a chaotic environment, such as experiencing childhood abuse, inconsistent parenting, or peer rejection. Treatment for ODD is similar to conduct disorder. Group or family therapy could help the individual identify reasons behind their emotions while occupational therapy teaches them how to respond appropriately in situations that trigger negative or combative feelings.

How Occupational Therapy Can Help Impulsive Behaviors

It is estimated that 6 million children around the world have attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). The 3 main symptoms include a short attention span, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, but a wider range of symptoms include disorganization, poor time management skills, poor planning, low frustration tolerance, trouble multitasking, frequent mood swings, trouble coping with stress, and a hot temper. An occupational therapist will understand that ADHD symptoms vary widely from person to person and approach treatment with adaptable challenges to help the individual overcome their unique challenges.

The American Psychiatric Association explains obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as “a disorder in which people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions). To get rid of the thoughts, they feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions). The repetitive behaviors, such as hand washing/cleaning, checking on things, and mental acts (like counting) or other activities, can significantly interfere with a person’s daily activities and social interactions.” To reach a diagnosis, OCD must interfere with one’s daily life by causing them to become consumed by their obsessions, resulting in distress if not completed. The most effective treatment for OCD is called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Occupational therapists will work to decrease anxiety and stress and redirect energy to increase focus and positive thinking. Common practices include guided meditation, yoga, breath work, desensitization, and learning to redirect thought processes.

How Occupational Therapy Can Help Behavioral Addictions

Behavioral addictions are similar to substance addictions, such as drug or alcohol addiction, but the key difference is the emotional response wasn’t triggered by a dependent source, but rather an action. For example, kleptomania (compulsive stealing) is considered a behavioral addiction. Gambling, overeating, overworking, compulsive skin or hair picking, and obsessive exercise or binge-watching can be considered behavioral addictions. Occupational therapists will help individuals develop coping skills to manage their pain or discomfort without relying on their need to engage in destructive behaviors that prohibit them from living a fruitful life. Occupational therapists will provide support through guided activities that encourage individuals to feel empowered and in control of their behaviors.

Your child’s occupational therapist can help you manage these difficult behaviors when they present themselves. Talk to them about how to best handle the specific situations you encounter with your child. They can walk you through the process of reframing the behavior and removing the negative connotations from the language surrounding your child. It is always helpful for your child’s therapists to be aware of any challenging behavior you are experiencing.

If you are interested in more intensive applied behavioral therapy with a trusted partner of Tilton’s Therapy for Tots, check out Summit Autism Services. They provide ABA therapy with a naturalistic and functional methodology.

Learn more about the benefits of occupational therapy for kids in Las Vegas, Southern Nevada as well as Northern Nevada regions from Tilton’s Therapy for Tots! Providing parents with helpful resources is important to help their children succeed. Find our latest resources, activities, and more on our blog. Sign up for our newsletter to receive them straight to your inbox. We’ll be introducing Summit Autism Services in addition to providing some great new resources focused on autism awareness and occupational therapy in April.

The cause of many of the aforementioned behavioral disorders remains unknown even though there are many common factors. It is believed our genetics play a role and that we adopt behaviors as a result of our environments. Individuals who experience an adverse childhood have a higher chance of being diagnosed with a behavioral disorder. If you or your loved one are struggling as a result of a behavioral disorder, seeking the support and guidance occupational therapy provides can give one hope toward a more rewarding future. Tilton’s Therapy is here to help guide the way. We can be reached at 702-381-1839 or you can register as a patient by following this link: